is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
