Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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