I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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