Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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