I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
