My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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