Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
