wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize