So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
