Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
