I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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