I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
