She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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