guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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