I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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