I will die if light touches me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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