he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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