Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
