Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
