you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
