They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
