"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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