Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
