It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
