you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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