the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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