still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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