sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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