They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
