he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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