Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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