1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
