Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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