Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
