...so i touched it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So much rum. So many feels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
