i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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