i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
