I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
