Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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