Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
