so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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