I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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