Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize