his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
