My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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