did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
