he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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