i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
