I have demons in me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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