I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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