my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
