He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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