nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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