the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
