I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize