you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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