it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
