Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
