i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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