i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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