forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
