U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
