Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
