well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
third nipple confirmed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
