I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize