it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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