I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
